Bocce

I'm addicted to Bocce at Caesar's Palace in Vegas. My little team, "The Balls of Fury" won today. See you tomorrow Bocce bellas!

Nevada

I picked up my rental car from the Wynn in Vegas. A shiny black mustang. I drove to Laughlin, Nevada. I had dinner on the balcony by the river. It is so hot and with the wind blowing it is like eating with a hair dryer on max in your face. Another Corona please.

A Week in the South

The other day I had a nice long ride through the sunny South. I started in the Florida pan-handle and drove north through some country roads in Alabama and ended up in Atlanta.

For breakfast I stopped at Sherry’s Lunch Box in Milton Florida and had a catfish po’boy sandwich with a side of tomatoes. The other day I picked up a can of Cajun boiled peanuts and had some of those today. You have to drain the liquid out of the can and eat them out of the shell. The peanuts are soft. They are kind of bizarre but kind of good.

A few days ago I fired a .44 magnum. Good times. The recoil wasn’t as bad as I thought but my hand was a bit sore afterwards. Gun ranges are an easy find in Georgia and I noticed that they have a ladies night here too. I was told that Georgia is the easiest state to get a weapon. I have always found Atlanta to have an edgy vibe to it. The gun rental was cheap but the ammo is kind of expensive. Twenty-five bucks for 100 rounds.

I went to one of those Japanese steakhouse places while I was in Montgomery, Alabama. The locals were amazed that I could eat with chopsticks. The girl next to me was really grossed out by her California rolls. I ordered a pot of Japanese tea and drank all three cups of it. I could not sleep a wink that night. I guess it has caffeine?

Here’s another food story. Atlanta has a Trader Vic’s restaurant. He’s the guy who invented the Mai Tai. It’s a Polynesian themed restaurant filled with bamboo, rattan, and of course a Tiki bar. I’ve had a drink there before but never had the food until a few days ago. They have a Chinese style clay oven that slow roasts and smokes the meat. I've had the duck and the lamb. Amazing.

I have some worthy motivations to get me through my twenty-third work day in a row. Meet me there tomorrow night if you can! I’m going to try a zombie. How appropriate. I kind of feel like one. (my grammar is alternating between past, present, and future tense if you've noticed)

Oh yeah, somebody on this trip got my personal visa credit card info. Somebody tried to buy $9000 worth of booze from a liquor store in Malaysia. How rude. The could of at least invited me to the party.

I went to a driving range in Raleigh, North Carolina. All the rental clubs were brand new demos. Any club you wanted to try for $5. I was using the new Taylor Made Burner. Incredible. I was almost hitting the driving range fence with it.

Not a bad week.

By the end of this week I’ll have been in nine states in less than a month. Off to Vegas soon.

Kentucky Derby

I got up at five am and began my journey in the dark to check out what is also known as the Run for the Roses. From Newport Tennessee I drove five hours, often in the pouring rain, to reach Churchill Downs in Louisville Kentucky for the opening race of the 2008 Kentucky Derby. I spent about two and a half hours there watching races and ladies with their funny hats before I was off. It was an eight hour drive to my next hotel in Greensboro, North Carolina. I was in five states in one day, Tennessee, Kentucky, West Virginia, Virginia, and North Carolina. People make fun of West Virginia because of the hillbillies and John Denver but it was a truly stunning drive in the late afternoon light. It was like a model train landscape but at full scale. With one minor GPS hick-up I arrived at my hotel in the dark.

The derby is quite the party and fashion show. Ladies, it's all about the hat. Women of all ages were wearing crazy hats. It’s unusual to see Americans dress up. Most of them don’t do it very well. There's one unmistakable thing about the South. The men are men and the women are women. No polar fleece here.

I paid $40 for general admission. This gives you access to the grounds and to view the race you have to go to the infield somewhere near the fence. There is no seating so you camp out picnic style. There is a real class distinction going on too. The infield is the college party crowd while the other areas are people who have money or are pretending that they do.

The main reason I went was to try a real Mint Julep. It was invented there. It sounds like a girly drink but it’s bourbon, some sugar water and mint over shaved ice. A few of those and some warm Kentucky sun and you have quite the party. They go down easy. I was analyzing the taste so that I can make a few when I get home. Not too much bourbon, not too sweet, and not too much mint. It’s sort of an equal mixing of all three.

I actually felt pretty good last night when I got in. The drive wasn’t too bad except the last half hour felt like I was driving in a video game. I woke up today and my body felt like a bag of sand.

It’s another three hour drive to my next hotel tomorrow in Greenville, North Carolina.

Jimmy Beam

My first stop on the bourbon trail in scenic Kentucky was Jim Beam. Jim Beam carries a line of small batch bourbons including one of my favourites, Knob Creek.

A few facts first. Bourbon is a native American spirit which is produced mostly in one region of Kentucky. Bourbon is a form of whiskey (or whisky if you’re Scottish) that is made from at least 51% corn. Another criteria is that it is made from new single-use charred oak barrels. Jack Daniels qualifies as bourbon. So why is it not called bourbon? According to Jimmy Bedford, master distiller at the Jack Daniel Distillery in Lynchburg, Tennessee, “we like to say that it’s more than bourbon.” Sounds like territorial pissings to me. Of all the sour mash whiskeys that qualify as bourbons, in my opinion, Jack Daniel’s is the poorest. Even their premium spirit, single barrel, is not exceptional. Woodford Reserve, which is the only triple distilled bourbon is my favourite. What Jim Beam, Maker’s Mark, and especially Jack Daniel’s excel at is marketing. Nobody knows marketing like the Americans.

I'm still trying to figure out why they painted a horse blue and made its legs filled with a sea of bourbon. Maybe those warehouses are actually crystal meth labs in disguise?

Where was I? Jim Beam has 27 warehouses on property with 51 in total. The black moss on the outside is from the yeast. Each warehouse holds 20,000 barrels and the joy juice is aged a minimum of four years in these new charred oak barrels. Each barrel holds 53 gallons and Jimmy Beam stores over one million barrels making it the “best selling bourbon in the world.” Bourbon I’m finding is a competitive business so the marketing of it is very important. Yes they all do taste a little different but they are still not Scotch. But that’s another story.

Maker's Mark

Maker’s Mark bourbon is the oldest distillery in the United States and was my second stop on the bourbon trail. The scenic drive and remote location makes the trip very special. The warehouses are painted a deep brown, almost black, for two reasons. One is to increase the heat of the warehouses and the second is to hide the moss that grows on the outside. This moss is what got the moonshiner’s busted in the prohibitions era. Maker’s Mark is known for its distinctive red wax sealing on its bottles. Another brilliant American marketing gimmick. The Maker’s wife stole it from a French cognac bottle.

I bought a bottle in the gift shop and dipped my own in the hot red wax. I was going to make a few inappropriate comments about the uses of the hot wax to the girl working there but decided to keep it to myself.

Okay. Did I mention that the labels are still made from hand on their original printing presses? Another thing I learned is that limestone fed water is the best for whiskey because it removes the iron. Too much iron in the water causes the whiskey to become undrinkable. I’ve heard that used bourbon casks are sent to Scotland and this is true. Maker’s Mark sells their used barrels to Laphroigh. There’s only one Scotch like Laphroigh. You either love it or hate it. But that’s another story too.