Planet Bama

Yesterday, after a particularly long and frustrating work day in exotic Alabama, I decided to reward myself by driving to the local Chevron to buy myself a beer. Next to the front counter was a cooler filled with ice and brewskies. I grabbed two and placed them on the counter to pay. The cashier looked at me in horror, "Sir. We don't sell beer here on sundays." Then why are they here on ice? She's probably right. It is a sin to drink budwieser.

Today I ate lunch at a Roadhouse type bar, the kind of place where you throw your peanut shells on the floor and the singer on the juke box laments about his pick-up truck. I tried to order a simple clubhouse sandwich. "We don't have that sir, the truck didn't deliver the supplies today." So tonight at dinner I tried to order some duck, "We're sorry, but the truck didn't arrive today." This one driver is shutting down the whole town of Tuscaloosa.

I few days ago a well-meaning Churchie at the hotel gave me one of his propaganda loot bags. Inside was some information, a fridge magnet and even an audio CD. The bible quotes somehow managed to combine Crimson Tide, the state football team, with Christian fundamentalism. Nice!

I kindly asked the smiley fellow to move his Jesus bus because it was in my shot. He asked if I was sure that I didn't want it in the shot. I said it would make free publicity for them If I did. He said, "Jesus needs all the publicity he can get. He's worthy of it." True but they're already doing a pretty good job of that here. Please move your bus.