Sweet Home Vancouver

I'm done. And not a day too soon. College football plus the Army plus Jesus equals Alabama. I'm looking forward to leaving this nuthouse although don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for the work and the experience, and the fact that I don't live here.

I was photographing the breakfast area of the Ramada Inn here in Montgomery and noticed a display of home-baked cakes. "What's that one?" I asked the hotel manager. "You've never had Red Velvet?" No. She cut me a slice of the bright red cake. "What makes it so red?" I asked, "raspberries?" No. Red food colouring. "Mmmmm ... this is really good" I lied. Stale, bland and sweet. "This will keep me going" I said. If I don't get diabetes from all the sugar.

I decided to do laundry. I got some liquid detergent from the front desk. I got back to my room and placed it ontop of my tv where it slid off and spilled all over the rug and left a blue explosion on the wall. I tried my best to clean it up but this hotel is such a dump they probably won't notice. I left them a five buck tip to smooth things over.

I think I'm going to stay in for my last night. That Alabama accent can be really grating on your nerves when you are tired. All in all I was lucky to have such a smooth trip.

Planet Bama

Yesterday, after a particularly long and frustrating work day in exotic Alabama, I decided to reward myself by driving to the local Chevron to buy myself a beer. Next to the front counter was a cooler filled with ice and brewskies. I grabbed two and placed them on the counter to pay. The cashier looked at me in horror, "Sir. We don't sell beer here on sundays." Then why are they here on ice? She's probably right. It is a sin to drink budwieser.

Today I ate lunch at a Roadhouse type bar, the kind of place where you throw your peanut shells on the floor and the singer on the juke box laments about his pick-up truck. I tried to order a simple clubhouse sandwich. "We don't have that sir, the truck didn't deliver the supplies today." So tonight at dinner I tried to order some duck, "We're sorry, but the truck didn't arrive today." This one driver is shutting down the whole town of Tuscaloosa.

I few days ago a well-meaning Churchie at the hotel gave me one of his propaganda loot bags. Inside was some information, a fridge magnet and even an audio CD. The bible quotes somehow managed to combine Crimson Tide, the state football team, with Christian fundamentalism. Nice!

I kindly asked the smiley fellow to move his Jesus bus because it was in my shot. He asked if I was sure that I didn't want it in the shot. I said it would make free publicity for them If I did. He said, "Jesus needs all the publicity he can get. He's worthy of it." True but they're already doing a pretty good job of that here. Please move your bus.

Lakes Course - Grand National - Opelika Alabama

Today I was lucky enough to get in nine holes in sunny Alabama. But this was no regular golf course. I played the front nine of the Lakes Course at Grand National in Opelika Alabama, one of three Robert Trent Jones designed golf courses. Bobby Jones is still considered the greatest golfer who ever lived (sorry Tiger) and according to him it's the single greatest site for a golf complex he has ever seen. After losing two balls on the first hole I was beginning to wonder why I was paying a steep $75 for this. But things improved and I had some memorable shots and an enjoyable afternoon. It's a very narrow course leaving little margin for error. Too bad my putting sucks.

East Alabama Motor Speedway

Yes there are people in the world who actually eat pork rinds. Many of them can be found in Alabama. Many of them can be found at the East Alabama Motor Speedway on a dusty and windy sunday afternoon. After work I got the chance to watch some local stock car racing action on a quarter mile oval mud track. The twenty-five dollar US entrance fee seemed a bit steep and the t-shirts they were selling look like they were left over from the Peter Frampton tour in the early seventies but it was great fun to hang with the locals in the latest Walmart fashions.

Ricky Bobby was the NASCAR driving hero of the comedy in Taledega Nights. Oddly enough there were numerous drivers named, "Ricky" or "Bobby" here. One of the main event races was won by Bobby Thomas. The announcer asked him who he wanted to thank. Bobby replied, "I'd like to thank my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ."

It's only the third day on my trip and it's already been quite eventful. On thursday I flew into the edge of the tornado that hit Alabama on my way to Atlanta and was lucky that the flight was not diverted. I had to drive at night in a firehose rainstorm to find my hotel in complete darkness. The storm had killed most of the local power. At first I thought the hotel was closed. All I wanted was some sleep after my fifteen hour travel day. I went up to the front door to take a look and was greeted by a figure wielding a powerful flashlight into my jet-lagged eyes. I felt like I was being arrested. "Oh. You must be the photographer?" She helped me out by giving me a lit candle so I could check into my hotel room. The power was back on a few hours later.

The people in Alabama and Georgia are great; Friendly and easy to work with. But eating appears to be a full-time sport here. But that's another blog entry.