Quaker Harvest Crunch

I'm currently enrolled in a continuing studies course at Langara College entitled, "All about Publishing." Our first assignment was to write a rant. I have just submitted it to the Westender for publication. Cross your fingers for me and keep your eyes peeled for it.

RANT

Quaker Harvest Crunch
by Dean Hannas

I know its been said a million times before but I’ll say it again. What’s up with our horrible and Nepolionic liquour laws in this province? The only body these arcane laws serve is the Provincial Government. World class my ass. The greatest place on earth? Give me a break Michael J Fox from your happy feely marketing bullshit. We should also thank you Big Brother for playing Daddy with your sin tax grabs but that’s another rant altogether. You make me embarrassed to say that I’m a local.

Kudos to our city council though for having the balls to try something new this year with their European themed Christmas Market. But, you branded numbered wristbands on us like Nazi prisoners to impose your three-drink minimum. What are you worried about? A bunch of drunken frat boys getting out of their minds on Glog? The prices are so high that you’d need a line of credit just to get your drink on anyways. Any European visitor would laugh in shock at our Puritanical ways.

Freedom! Drinkers of the Province, unite! Chained by cruel taxes and orthodox laws, its time for the fundamentalist regime to crumble. Let your voices be heard! We deserve to be part of the civilized world. It’s time for the Quaker’s to pack up their caravans and leave town.