Wuhan, China

I was relaxing over a free glass of Champagne in the executive lounge
of one the hotels I had just finished shooting with another one of my
pretty hotel contacts. We were discussing the nature of my job and
she thought I was like James Bond. That made me feel pretty good!

My next assignment in China was the Marco Polo Wuhan. My two hotel
contacts there were Fifi and Cherry X. Very 007.

Wuhan is a secondary city in China. It is three towns that reside
along a river. It struck me as a Chinese version of Baton Rouge, they
even have willow trees like Louisiana and they eat frogs here too.
More on that one later.

One night after dinner I went for a stroll and found an outdoor bar
with a sign that read, “hot and crazy sugar daddy.” I sat at the
round out-door bar and sipped on an Irish whisky while watching a game
of soccer on TV played by remote controlled robots.

My office forgot about my Chinese business visa. It was due to run
out while I was there but the hotel staff were great in helping me
out. During the first visit to the passport office they said it would
take five business days. I wasn’t going to be there that long so that
was a problem. The next time we showed up we arrived in a shiny black
car with the General Managers sharply dresses assistant and a rubber
stamped piece of paper. Voila, I had my visa extension the next day.
The lady at the passport office was handed a bag of hotel gifts from
my trusty hotel contact. I’m told it’s all about relationships here.

I had a day off at the end of the shoot and I spent it with my hotel
contact, Fifi. Who is, sadly, engaged. We took a ferry across the
“famous” Yangze river and went to the East Lake Park for a tour and
some random archery. Next was a museum, lunch, shopping, another trip
through Walmart where I said hello to the sad frogs and bought some
Yack jerky. More shopping. I bought a funky shirt and then we went
for a walk along the Yangtze river. One of her co-workers joined us
and we finished things off with a real Chinese dinner paid for by the
hotel of course.

During lunch I was picking through what looked like a chicken
stir-fry. I thought I was looking at a chicken wing but it was a
chicken head! I flipped the head over with my chopsticks and noticed
the head was severed in half. I’d never seen the brain of a chicken
before. I dug around a bit more and found a chicken foot. I kept on
eating. I told Fifi that most people in Canada could not continue.
She was surprised. I forged ahead and ate too many dumplings.

Dinner was at a large, noisy, crowded but efficient Chinese
restaurant. A wedding was happening while we were eating so that was
interesting. We were served piping hot papayas filled with some kind
of gelatinous goo. We poured coconut syrup on it and I could only
stand three bites of it. I was eating some spicy crab concoction and
thought it was a little unusual. Fifi told me that it was not crab I
was eating, it was toad! I was shocked how her co-worker just pounded
back the toad like she was a starving inmate. At the end of the meal
we had a toast. I was drinking Snow beer and she had a chilled glass
of yogurt.

She commented that I was amazing and that I was a genius due to my
chopstick dexterity. Maybe she’s right, but it’s hard to take anyone
with a yogurt moustache seriously.